First dates can be an absolute minefield with a lot of us putting unnecessary pressure on the situation. From decisions before you even arrive like what you’re going to wear and where you should go. To in the moment pressure like will there be awkward silences or will they look like their profile photo. And then the end moment of whether you should kiss or not on a first date.
TO KISS OR NOT TO KISS
For me a kiss on the first date is confirmation as to whether or not the guy likes me. I’ve only had one first date where I didn’t end up kissing the guy during it. And that time it ended with a hug and a simple “Nice to meet you” before he ghosted me. I thought it was a great date up until the goodbye exchange. So, it just ended up confirming my theory that a kiss on the first date means a lot.
I’d never really given this much thought until I was watching First Dates and the topic came up. My friend blindsided me by saying that she makes a point of never kissing on the first date. And in turn I threw her when I said that I always kiss on a first date, obviously ignoring ghost boy. At a crossroads we did what all good millennials would do and took to social media.
KISSING ON A FIRST DATE
I ran a poll asking people what their thought were on whether you should kiss on a first date. The options were ‘Always kiss on a first date’, ‘Never kiss on a first date’ and ‘I’ve had both happen’. My friend and I got very invested and loved seeing how the percentages fluctuated over the days. With 160 people participating on the poll ‘I’ve had both happen’ was the overall winner with 60%. Always came in second with 22% of the votes and Never wasn’t far behind with 18%.
I asked people for their insight into their experiences and thoughts about the first date kiss debate. One friend on my side of the fence said “I always kiss on the first date. Except once because he was THAT bad. But if I’m potentially interested, I need to know whether they’re a good kisser ASAP. Because I’m not about to waste my time on a washing machine.” As someone who has had the displeasure of experience this kind of kisser I could not agree more.
MALE AND FEMALE PERSPECTIVE
Jessie from Jessie’s Journal was nice enough to message me with not only her thoughts but her boyfriend’s too. Jessie said “I think it’s completely up to you and how you feel and whether you’re comfortable and click enough. However, saying that I have had amazing first dates, where there’s not been a kiss involved or not. And in both cases, it felt more like really good friends with them.
One was my current boyfriend, but I mis-took our first date for just friends hanging out instead of a date. Maybe because there wasn’t any sort of ‘intimacy’. It’s kind of just an expectation isn’t it? Like it just happens at the end of the date to solidify your attraction to them and to say you had a good time. But then again, you can definitely feel almost forced to because of the expectation.”
Her boyfriend gave us a male insight with his thoughts “It’s all about judgement of the situation and emotions. Sometimes kissing on the first date can make you appear too eager and that you want it too much. But on the contrary it can also represent your feelings and attraction for that person. I always think a kiss is a possibility if the date does go well but is not a certainty. And if it doesn’t happen, he would probably wonder why but it wouldn’t necessarily drive him away.”
FINAL THOUGHTS
I also debated the topic of whether you should kiss on a first date with my work husband. He was on the opposing side saying “If you don’t kiss on the first date it can leave them wanting more. And it will give you both a reason to agree to a second date.” To which I obviously did not agree because my one first date sans kiss did not lead to a second. And of course, we ended up bickering like the old married couple that we seem to be.
So, whilst my opinion has not changed on whether to kiss on the first date, I have enjoyed debating this. And maybe if I have another first date without a kiss at the end I might not rush to conclusions. I might not message all my single girlfriends straight away telling them how I’m not getting a second date. Or more likely I’ll stick to my usual dramatic overreacting personality style and will absolutely message them all. I’d love to know your thoughts and experiences with the first date kiss debate and moment.
omg dying at the washing machine comparison hahaha. I dont mind kissing on the first but at times it takes me by surprise
I too did both. However, even though my now wife and I didn’t kiss on our first date it wasn’t because I didn’t want to… just wanted to wait… glad I did. X
I have had both happen to be fair, but if I don’t, it is usually because I’m really not interested lol 🙂
I’ve loved reading this and everyones comments too. I agree that a kiss at the end of a date is validation that it went well. Although I’ve had dates with a kiss and never seen them again and also had no kiss and more dates afterwards.
The results are so interesting! I guess it goes to show that different circumstances can lead to different date endings. I’ve felt pressured into kissing someone after a date to make it less awkward and to avoid the whole leaning in and rejection situation! I guess it depends on all the other things going on too! Ive always found location is a big part of what I decide to do.
I have never thought about it. It is a spur of the moment thing to me. I haven’t been much of s dater though!
Dating is always so complicated! When I went on a first date with my now boyfriend we had an awkward kiss- both of us are adamant it was the other one who went in for the kiss!! It certainly wasn’t me!
Wow I’ve never really thought about it in so much depth before, but you really opened my eyes. Not looking forward to dating at all
I’ve never thought about it before – I’ve had both happen but I totally get where you’re coming from about that confirmation of whether things have gone well if you get a kiss.
Do you know it has been so long since I had a first day I couldn’t tell you if I kissed on it or not. I think probably I’ve had both happen like most though.
To be honest I too have had both happen on a first date and both have led to long term relationships which both ended so I agree with Jessie’s boyfriend and your work husband lol
I do agree with you when you said it’s confirmation the date has gone well as I tend to misread things quite a lot. I’ve had quite a few days go seemingly really well but not end in a kiss then the guy would ghost me so I know how you feel x
I always kiss on the first date. The only time I won’t is when I don’t get on with the person
Gosh it’s been so long since I’ve been on a first date I can hardly remember, lol! I reckon if it feels right and the other person feels the same just do/do not as the case may be!
It’s interesting to see other peoples thoughts on the first date rule and I think a lot has changed over the years. As soon as my husband asked me to date him we kissed right away, I guess we both new it felt right and we’ve now been together for 12 years this year!
I’m like you, I judged a date on whether or not it ends with a kiss. If I’m into it and had a great time, I’ll always go in for the kill.
I haven’t dated in 12 years now though so maybe I’ve changed, haha!
Katie xoxo
I have never really given it alot of thought but I would probably go with having a little kiss at the end of the date even if it is just a wee peck on the cheek.
I think it all depends on the person! I’ve had dates where we haven’t felt the attraction so haven’t kissed, and others where we have kissed on the first date because we really couldn’t help ourselves!
I loved reading this post. Seeing people’s different ideas of ending a date is quite refreshing considering I have had both no kiss and a kiss at the end of a date. I have had a few dates which ended with a decent end of night kiss and then like you said the washing machine scenario has occurred maybe once or twice – which definitely resulted in no second date. Other times some of my “dates” have taken a kiss way too far and tried to get it on ON with me – which totally freaks me out, “excuse me we just met!”. But with my current boyfriend over the years when we dated we did not kiss but that wasn’t because we didn’t like each other but both were shy or too worried the other will be put off! xoxo